Lacey
By John A Sturgeon
She was the love my life yet it wasn't meant to be.
How could I think someone so beautiful could ever fall for me.
Her noticing of my existence was probably her greatest folly.
No matter how hard I tried I could never make her life happy and jolly.
Her name was Lacey and her hair was a deep curly brown.
Her beautiful lips scarcely formed a smile, instead she almost always wore a frown.
Her eyes were blue like an great sea which I was lost in every time into them I made a glance.
Someone so beautiful could never truly love me, I never had a chance.
My life is now empty,my body a hollow shell.
Knowing she no longer wants me makes my life a living hell.
I must go on in life knowing she is no longer my lover
And instead she has given her heart to another.
All of the heart broke, all of the pain.
All of my feeble attempts to get you to love me were in vain.
I would've done anything to stay with my true love.
But distance prevented it when push came to shove.
When I think about her I feel like an animal that has been caged.
If I think of what he did to me I will surely go into a homicidal rage.
Never again shall I trust my heart to another.
So that never again shall I go through this and suffer.
I would sell my very soul to hear your voice but one more time in its angelic tone.
Without your godlike presence my life has no meaning so my writing I shall hone.
Forever I shall live on as nothing more than a meaningless drone.
Mr. Sturgeon, I'm not going to be a critic of your writing. Writers are not good critics-they don't see what is but instead what they would have done differently. But I have a few suggestions. Try different forms. Experiment. First person confessional is extremely difficult to do well. OK, she broke up with you. Don't tell us about it. Describe a trip to the grocery store. Constant mist, bananas are all brown, dead dog in the middle of the parking lot, wheel catches on your shopping cart. Paint a picture for the reader, don't use a baseball bat. End with the word "Lacey." Anyway, try a story with only dialogue. Write a third person story without omniscience. We see and hear and smell what he does, but we cannot see into his mind. Write about relationships-spouse, parent-child, co-worker, chance encounter (not romantic) at pharmacy counter. Limit yourself with very specific forms and boundaries. Write a story using only four letter words and less. Write from a kid's perspective. Write a poem in iambic pentameter, or a Shakespearean sonnet. Write a sestina. Within form, I believe, comes discipline and greatness. Good luck and keep writing. Mr. Peace
ReplyDelete